


The 1

by DAgron01



Series: Island Folklore [2]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Character Study, F/F, Fatin is my entire world and she gets her happy ending, Hurt/Comfort, Leah Centric Introspection, Some Humor, Team Bonding, The Leah and Toni BROTP I didn't realize I needed, Toni is actually the softest and I will fight you on it, background Toni/Shelby, slight angst but everyone is happy, spoilers through finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28390770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAgron01/pseuds/DAgron01
Summary: Leah comes to terms with her life on the island and off it, and in letting go...she realizes who she is and what certain people mean to her. And by people, she means Fatin. It's always Fatin.orLeah takes Shelby's lead and lets the island bring out the best in her and sees that it has done the same for the others.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke
Series: Island Folklore [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079255
Comments: 28
Kudos: 294





	The 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to Invisible String, but now it's Leah's POV. No shark attack and no rescue yet, and Leah and Nora never have their encounter in the woods. Basically the Fatin/Leah fic some of you begged me for, but didn't really have to beg at all because I wanted it just as much as you did. Enjoy!

_ “If one thing had been different _

_ Would everything be different today?” _

Leah has had trouble sleeping since they landed on the island. Honestly, her insomnia started well before that, but she tries not to think about the reasons why. Thankfully, there is usually always someone else awake that she can talk to. Everyone has their own shit that keeps them awake, and Leah finds that late night talks with each of the girls actually makes her feel better. Better about her life. Better about their situations here. Better about everything in general. And the fact that lately, the person she shares most of those late night talks with is Fatin is not something she intends to let herself dwell on.

“Can’t sleep again? You know, they make pills for that.” Fatin tells her with a soft smile, but knowing eyes.

“I know, it’s a shame that the bag that had every other pill we could ever use didn’t supply us with insomnia medication.” Leah comments wryly and settles beside her. 

She wants to ask about earlier. About their conversation the night before when Leah finally apologized for everything bad she ever did or said to Fatin. She wants to ask her why she forgave her so easily when she still feels like she doesn’t deserve it. She wants to ask about Fatin’s confession during the game earlier--that revelation that she seems to have a crush on someone here. She really wants it to be her. She hopes it is. She thinks it is. But she’s also terrified that it is. Because she’s only been in love once, and she’s realized (thanks to Fatin and Shelby) that what she had with Jeff wasn’t love. It was a crime. It was messed up. It was the exact opposite of what love is supposed to be. And now she has started to question everything about herself and her own decision making. And her sanity.

“You’re lost in your head again.” Fatin states gently. “Want to talk about it?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

“Okay. Want to talk about something else?” Fatin questions. “You know I’m a fantastic conversationalist. My topics of interest include: sex, music, fashion, sex, feminism…”

Leah laughs. “Feminism, really?”

“Hey, I have depth. I care about women’s issues.”

Leah quirks an eyebrow at her.

Fatin shrugs. “I have a vagina, and I care about that. And I care about you all. That counts...right?”

Leah laughs so loudly she actually makes a few of the girls stir and bites her lip to keep from waking them. Fatin grins as if she accomplished her goal, and maybe she had.

“I...I do care though. About these girls. About you. I know I joke around a lot. But...I’m not that shallow. I need you to know that.” Fatin continues.

“I do.” Leah tells her and reaches across the distance between them, but then isn’t brave enough to hold her hand, so she rests hers on Fatin’s bare knee instead. And maybe that’s worse.

Fatin is silent as her eyes fall on Leah’s hand and it makes Leah nearly pull away, but then Fatin rests her hand atop Leah’s. And the warmth of it, the softness, it relaxes Leah.

“So...Shelby and Toni. Do you think they’re more of an island fling, or do you think they have what it takes to survive as a couple when this is all over?” Leah wonders.

Fatin looks out into the darkness, presumably looking for the couple. “I think they have what it takes. And if anyone deserves happiness after all the shit they’ve been through, it’s them.”

Leah nods in agreement. “Are you jealous of them at all?”

“God, why does everyone assume that I have a thing for Toni? I mean, I wouldn’t kick her out of my bed, but she’s also not my type.” Fatin groans and removes her hand from Leah’s.

“I...I meant, are you jealous about what they have? That they have each other. That they found someone to love.”

Fatin’s eyes widen. “Oh. Right.” She sighs.

“I think maybe, we could discuss that reaction of yours though...perhaps Fatin doth protest too much.” Leah teases, but her heart aches at the idea that maybe Toni  _ is  _ the crush Fatin admitted to having.

“I don’t do love. I wouldn’t be good at it.” Fatin says quietly instead, and she looks like it pains her to admit it. 

Great, Leah made her feel uncomfortable. 

“We don’t have to talk about it. We could choose one of your other very interesting topics to discuss.”

Fatin rolls her eyes and smiles, but it seems forced now.

“I never thought much about love before. I usually used sex to blow off steam from all the strict regulations and high expectations my parents put on me. I enjoyed it. It was fun.” She sighs again and avoids eye contact as her gaze settles on the incoming low tide. “My dad...he cheated on my mom with half the city and...he...he didn’t understand why his indiscretions hurt me and our family...he actually...he thought I’d understand.” She turns to face Leah and has tears in her eyes. “He said he thought I’d understand because I was just like him. But I don’t want to be like him at all. I could never do that to someone I cared about.”

Leah doesn’t even think twice about pulling Fatin into her and hugging her tightly. “Hey, you’re nothing like him. You can enjoy having sex with people, there’s nothing wrong with that. You weren’t committed to any of them, what you do and what he did...they’re not the same thing.”

Fatin doesn’t respond. 

“You get to decide who you are, Fatin. Your asshole father doesn’t get to justify himself by trying to make you feel guilty about who he thinks you are.”

Fatin stops shaking from her silent sobs, and pulls her head away from Leah’s shoulder. She stares at her with wide, open eyes. Leah swears she can see into her soul. And what she thinks she sees there is terrifying. Not because she doesn’t like it...but because she finds that she does. And Leah can admit to herself now that she might have a tiny crush on Fatin. But she isn’t ready for what that means for her, and what that could mean for them. Not yet.

“Thank you.” Fatin whispers into the darkness. It feels as though Leah wasn’t even meant to hear it. And maybe she wasn’t.

“You’re welcome. I’ve definitely shed far more tears than you during the course of this friendship, it’s only right for me to allow you the same indignity.”

Fatin chuckles and Leah knows it’s genuine. She smiles in return, because suddenly, Fatin’s happiness is the most important thing in the world to her. And her eyes widen at the realization. Maybe  _ that  _ is what love is. Caring about someone else  _ more  _ than you care about yourself. When she was with Jeff, she was obsessed with him. But it was about  _ her  _ and  _ her  _ feelings. She drowned in those feelings, but she didn’t stop to think about how  _ he  _ felt about things. About life. About her. She wanted his attention. She obsessed over stupid things. But  _ this _ ….this right here with Fatin, it felt infinitely different. Better in all the best ways. 

“Okay...your eyes are always so expressive and truly are one of my favorite things about you…” Fatin says before she snaps her mouth shut and shakes her head. “I...what I mean by that is...you’ve got a lot of stuff that just went through your mind and it showed all over your face. Something has you terrified.” Fatin locks eyes with her again, and moves a bit closer as she lowers her voice. “Who are we accusing of being a double agent now? I swear, hand to heart, that I am not into anything nefarious.”

Leah frowns. “What?”

“You seemed to have a huge revelation. I figured it was about your theories about this island and why we’re here.” Fatin explains.

Leah shakes her head. “No, I don’t care about that anymore. Like I told Shelby, it doesn’t matter why we’re here...I honestly feel like we all needed it. I know for certain I did, and that I’m already better for it.”

Fatin stares at her with narrowed eyes, but then nods her head. “I…” She backs away from Leah again, and settles a safer distance away from her. “I was talking to Dot a while back...when the plane went down...my life flashed before my eyes...and I didn’t like what I saw.”

“Fatin…”

“No, it’s okay. I want to talk about it. I sort of just did. What I told you...about my dad…” She runs her hands through the sand. “I honestly remember thinking that I didn’t think I’d care if the plane crashed, because I didn’t care about my life. I didn’t care about dying. And I didn’t think I had anything worth getting back to.”

“And now?” Leah wonders quietly.

“I want to live. I want to get off this damn island so that Dot and I can move in together and be fabulous. I want to throw Toni and Shelby a huge engagement party, because they are endgame. And I want to make sure you and I stay in touch.”

Leah smiles at that. “What about the others?”

“I want to sue the damn airline so that I can afford to buy Rachel a spot back on the swim team, and buy Nora an entire library of her own. I want to give Martha a farm, full of goats because I know she still feels awful about the one she had to kill for us all.”

That sentiment melts Leah’s heart.

“I don’t know what your plans are for when we get back home...but there will always be room in me and Dot’s place for you.”

They stare at each other, and Leah feels her stomach flip. “That...I would really like that.”

“I don’t know how these bitches came to mean so much to me, but they are everything, you know?” Fatin doesn’t look away when she adds. “ _ You _ have come to mean everything to me.”

Leah swallows audibly. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I...it was just something I’ve been wanting to tell you. You seem to think that you are this horrible, messed up person, and I know you’re nursing your broken heart and that you’re straight and everything...that wasn’t meant to be me creeping on you or anything. I just...you mean something to me. And that’s big. I’m not used to letting people in.”

“You mean everything to me, too, Fatin. I don’t know how or when it happened, but you sort of became the most important person in my life since we’ve been here.” Leah admits as much as she is brave enough to. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t correct Fatin’s assumption on her being straight. Maybe she’s got more in common with Shelby that she thought.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while, before Fatin finally excuses herself for bed. Leah never felt more lonely in that moment.

She doesn’t go to sleep that night, she just stays out there watching the sun come up and gets completely lost in her thoughts.

She’s surprised when Toni joins her hours later.

“You look like shit.” She tells her as she sits down and Leah laughs genuinely at her honesty.

“Gee, thanks.” 

Toni smirks. “You know what I mean.” She glances at her and then away. “Didn’t sleep last night, huh?”

“Not at all.”

“I can listen if you want to talk about it, or we can just sit here and wait for the others to wake up.”

Leah honestly didn’t know which she would prefer. Toni didn’t say anything further.

“Why’d you forgive Shelby so easily?” Leah wonders after several minutes of silence.

Toni looks at her. “I think…” She frowns and furrows her brows together in consideration. “I realized that her behavior was more about herself and her demons than me. And I have my own shit to figure out...so I didn’t need to dwell on her issues. At the time...I was so full of anger and I hated the whole world...but most of all, I hated myself and who I let others make me become. I was ready to take responsibility for my own shit. And that meant, letting go of stuff that wasn’t my shit.” Tony shakes her head. “I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense. I’m not good at this kind of stuff.”

“You are though. I get what you mean. You forgave Shelby for yourself, not because she particularly deserved it.”

Toni nods hesitantly. “And...I guess, doing it allowed Shelby to live up to that...like, I don’t know...when you give someone a chance...when you expect more out of them than they’ve ever had the opportunity to live up to...they get the chance to prove to you and themselves that they are worth it. It sort of helps both of you grow in the end.”

Leah stares at her. “I don’t know why we haven’t talked more before, you’re kind of awesome.”

Toni smirks, even as a slight blush covers her cheeks. “Just kind of?”

“I know better than to flirt with someone who’s heart isn’t in it.” Leah teases back.

Toni stares at her. “Flirt...dude, are you...are you saying…” 

“I think I’m bi.” Leah breathes out quietly and bites her lip. Then she turns to face Toni. “Actually, I’m more than certain I am.”

Toni beams with pride. “I am so proud of you, Leah. I know how hard coming out can be, especially if it’s something so new to you. What is with this island, huh? Turning you all gay.”

Leah laughs. “Well, have you seen these girls? It’s harder to be straight than you’d imagine.”

Toni laughs loudly. “Preaching to the choir, right here.”

“Seriously, though, I...I honestly have no clue what to do right now. What it all means.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything. Your sexuality is your own. Your truth is yours. You don’t owe any of us anything. You decide who and when or even if you want to come out. And just so you know, I obviously won’t say anything.”

“Thanks, Toni.”

Before either of them says anything more, Dot plops down loudly into the space beside them.

“Morning.” She says and her eyes widen. “Leah, you look like shit.”

Leah frowns. “Seriously, I can’t look worse than any of the rest of you! We are stranded on an island. None of us have changed our clothes or showered or brushed our teeth in ages.”

“Relax...it was more of a meta observation. Looks like you went through the emotional gauntlet.” Dot corrects.

“Oh. Yeah, sort of had a long night.”

“But you’re okay?” Dot wonders.

And Leah appreciates that she doesn’t ask about it, or want details.

She nods in response. “I am. Or will be.”

Toni and Dot both smile. “Good.” They say in unison and Leah smiles at them.

“You didn’t have to watch the tide, the next few days we are in the clear. I don’t think there is even a storm on the horizon for the next week.” Nora says by way of greeting as she joins them.

She sits beside Dot.

“But I guess it’s good that you kept watch just in case. I have been wrong before.” Nora continues.

Leah relaxes in the presence of these girls. She has come to care about them all so much and she appreciates what they have all given her. The small pieces of themselves that they have thus far been willing to share. She hates that she wasted so much time not getting to know them. But she wants to make up for that now.

“Best memory...go.” Leah says into the silence.

“On the island or off it?” Dot wonders.

“Both.”

“Off the island, it would be my twelfth birthday, it was the last time my dad and I really got to celebrate before he started to get sick. It didn’t happen fast, it was actually very slow. But that was my favorite day. He went all out. I didn’t have a traditional birthday party because I never had a lot of friends, but he took me to the zoo and I rode an elephant. And he let me eat so much ice cream that I got sick. And I got to stay up really late and we watched a football game together on tv when we got home.” Dot tells them.

Nora reaches over and takes Dot’s hand in hers and Dot rests her head on Nora’s shoulder.

“When’s your birthday? Because we don’t have elephants, but you have friends now and we could throw you a really cool party.” Nora says.

“It’s not for six months and we better fucking be off this island by then.” Dot says with a smile.

“No matter where we are then...we are going to fucking celebrate your birthday.” Toni says, and then adds with a smirk. “We’ll do it in style. And by that, I mean, use Fatin’s money to rent a limo or some shit and get wasted.”

The girls all laugh at that. 

“That sounds perfect.” Dot tells them sincerely.

“What’s your best day on the island?” Leah asks.

“When Martha got us the goat and saved us from the brink of starvation.” She says and then her eyes widen. “No, scratch that. It was definitely when we all got high!”

They laugh again.

“I agree, that was the best day.” Nora says. “But also, so was yesterday. Because Rachel and I had a good talk and we...she said she loves me and that she is sorry for all the times she hurt me. That was my favorite day. Not just on the island, but off the island, too. Because the rest...even the happy stuff became sad.”

Leah felt that in her soul. The idea that what seemed like happiness could be morphed into sadness and heartbreak in no time. She reaches across Dot and rests her hand on their linked hands. Then she squeezes them in solidarity. Because she gets these girls. She loves these girls.

“My favorite off the island was…” She sighs. “I don’t think I have one I can remember. Maybe, when I was like five. Before I was corrupted by the patriarchy.” 

That gets a chuckle from Dot, but Toni scoots closer to her and wraps her arms around her. And that feels pretty fucking amazing. To be so completely understood and seen.

“Seriously, I think it is Christmas when I was four. I got everything I asked Santa for, and my parents made waffles for breakfast. I don’t remember anything before that. And I don’t remember having as good of a Christmas after that, so..yeah.” She admits, because she knows she owes these girls the truth. They deserve to know her. All of her. “And I think, as fun as getting high together was...that this moment is pretty fucking fantastic.”

“Hell yeah.” Dot agrees happily. 

Toni laughs and nods her head in agreement.

“Okay, Toni, your turn. And we all know that deflowering Shelby was your best moment on the island, so please spare us the details.” Dot teases her.

“That actually...that wasn’t.” Toni admits shyly.

Leah’s eyes widen and she’s sure that Dot’s and Nora’s mirror hers.

“I didn’t know what I meant to her then...or what it all meant. It was great and all...but there was too much uncertainty that sort of tainted it. You know?” Toni explains.

Leah nods, because she understands. She understands more than she would care to admit.

“I mean, next time we do it will be a completely different story...but also, I’m not one to kiss and tell.”

She says it playfully, but Leah actually believes her. And she respects her even more for it.

“Then what is your favorite moment?” Nora asks.

“When she told me she loved me. But also, all the ways she showed me along the way. Because the rest...it’s just words. But she made me believe it. And that means everything.”

Leah swallows thickly. She definitely didn’t have that with Jeff. Even though he said the words sometimes, and even wrote some beautiful things in the book...it didn’t feel like that. She didn’t believe it with all of her heart and soul. That’s what made her feel so insecure. Even with the words, she never felt like she knew where she stood with him. And that’s when she realizes that she wants what Toni and Shelby have. She wants to feel loved, even if the words are never said.

“Wow. Way to make the rest of us feel inferior, dude.” Dot breathes out with sarcasm tinted in melancholy.

Toni simply shrugs. “My best memory off the island hasn’t happened yet.” She shifts uncomfortably. “I’ve had a mostly shitty life, but even when I didn’t...I dwelt on the bad stuff...so, honestly, I don’t remember much of the good stuff. And I don’t want it to be like that anymore. I plan to collect moments like these. And save them. Remember them.”

Toni is soft, Leah didn’t see that coming. Her eyes widen. Toni and Fatin seem so similar in so many ways, it’s no wonder they get along so well. Leah realizes belatedly that their cavalier attitudes and constant, and casual flirting were fronts to protect themselves from really letting people see them. She has been jealous of their casually flirtatious relationship for all the wrong reasons. Now, all she feels for Toni is a kinship, and begrudging respect. Not jealousy. Because regardless of how she realizes she may feel for Fatin, she recognizes that Fatin and Toni need their friendship. And Leah will not get upset about their bond any more. Not that she had any right to be upset about it anyway.

“There you all are.” Shelby’s southern accent interrupts Leah's thoughts. “What’re you all doing out here?” 

Leah glances at her and sees Fatin, Rachel and Martha are behind her.

“We’re discussing our best on the island and off the island moments.” Dot says as she scoots over and makes room for the others. Fatin squeezes in between Dot and Leah, and Leah feels her heart rate increase. Shelby sits beside Toni, and Toni shifts so she’s cuddling into Shelby instead of Leah. Martha sits on the other side of Shelby, and Rachel sits on the other side of Nora.

“So, Shelby, what’s your favorite island memory?” Dot reiterates.

Shelby blushes deeply and everyone starts to laugh.

“Nevermind, please don’t answer that.” Dot says.

“Why? I don’t mind hearing it.” Fatin pouts and it causes another round of laughter. 

Leah finds herself laughing along with them, because she honestly agrees with Fatin. She wouldn’t be opposed to hearing details. Now that she can admit to herself...and has admitted to Toni, that she isn’t straight.

“I’m just going to skip that and go right to my favorite off the island memory. I was fourteen and it was before I grew into my looks. I was a little chubby and I was bullied in school, but...my parents, it felt like they loved me for who I was not what I looked like. And that was the last time I ever felt that way....in regards to them and their love for me.”

The girls instantly grew silent. Martha and Toni both lean in and hug Shelby. Leah wants to also, but she’s too far away.

“My favorite island memory is when you bitches saved me from the sink hole. I...I realized that even if we died here, that we all had each other. And I was used to doing everything alone...not letting people in, no matter how much they tried. And...it made me realize how lonely I was.” Rachel speaks into the silence. “My favorite off island memory was winning my first diving competition. It was the first time I felt seen by my parents.”

Shit. Leah knew they were all screwed up, but boy did their lives truly suck before they crashed here.

“My favorite off island memory is when I won my first dancing competition when I was six. My favorite on island memory was...it was eating the mussels and laughing together...before we all got sick and me and Toni almost died. But up until then...it felt like I was part of something. Like this...what we all have here...that it’s special. And I was happy to feel like I belonged. That I was special too. To someone other than Toni.” Martha tells them unprompted.

Toni and Shelby tighten their embrace on her, and Leah smiles at her with compassion and understanding.

“Fatin...it’s your turn.” Toni says as she leans across Leah to look at the other girl.

Fatin rolls her eyes and huffs. “Fine, but you asked for it.”

Everyone assumes it’s going to be about sex, because they laugh and groan playfully. But Leah knows better. She feels like she understands Fatin now and knows that she uses humor to distract from anything real. But she also knows what these girls mean to Fatin, and she knows that Fatin will be genuine with them. Open and real. And she is somewhat terrified about what might come out of Fatin’s mouth because of it.

“Favorite off island memory would be anything before I ever learned the cello. Because after that, it became all that mattered to my mom. I became the cello prodigy not her daughter.” She admits with more bravado than Leah feels is necessary. She wishes that Fatin would let herself feel things deeply. Or rather, that she would admit that she already feels things deeply.

“And favorite on island memory?” Dot asks.

“That’s easy. When I found the waterfall...when I proved my worth to you all. When I realized I mattered...that you all were looking for me.” Fatin’s eyes lock on Leah’s and Leah knows that she is mostly admitting that she was happy Leah looked for her. 

Leah blindly reaches for Fatin’s hand and squeezes it. She smiles when she feels Fatin turn her hand over and lace their fingers together. It feels perfect. It feels right.

“I’m bisexual!” The words leave her mouth before she even realizes that her brain had formulated them.

“Huh…” Is all Dot says.

“I swear...what is up with this island?” Rachel mutters with amusement.

Shelby beams happily and practically knocks Toni over in her attempt to hug Leah. Nora, Toni, Martha and Dot laugh in response to that. But the best reaction of all is the slight squeeze she feels from Fatin’s hand in hers, and the warmth of their thighs touching when Fatin scoots closer to her.

They all talk awhile longer before they slowly start to separate for the afternoon. Rachel and Nora wander off first. Then Toni and Martha. Shelby and Dot linger a while longer, and Shelby practically knocks her over again when she tackle hugs her for a second time before leaving. Soon it’s just Leah and Fatin. And her heart is pounding in her chest. Her chest feels so tight, like there’s a vice grip on her keeping her from breathing properly. But Fatin’s hand is still in her own, and no matter how light headed she feels at the moment, she wouldn’t change a thing.

“I’m so fucking proud of you, Leah. For owning your shit. For figuring yourself out.” Fatin tells her even though she can’t hold eye contact.

“Thank you.” Leah replies as her voice shakes. “Can you...will you please look at me?”

Fatin does wordlessly and there are so many emotions shifting through those expressive eyes of hers.

“You may be proud of me...but...you don’t look happy for me.” Leah states with a whisper.

“I am! Happier than you can imagine. I promise.”

“Then why...you look...I thought me admitting that I liked girls would make you realize I was a possibility.”

Fatin’s eyes widen. “You...what?”

“I...don’t you like me? I thought...you said you had a crush...I assumed…” Leah rolls her eyes at herself. “I’m an idiot, of course you’re not interested in me like that.”

“Fuck, Leah. Of course I am.” Fatin licks her lips and her eyes dart to Leah’s lips and back up to maintain eye contact. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for fucking weeks.”

“Then why haven’t you? I get why you didn’t before...but...I...you can. I want you to.” Leah admits with complete vulnerability.

“You deserve better than me, Leah. You know what I’m like...I told you who I am.”

“And? I know exactly who you are, and I want you because of it.”

Fatin shakes her head. “How can you? Why would you?”

“Fatin…”

“No, I’m serious. I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend. And I’ll suck at it, okay? You just had your heart broken, you’re healing. You deserve someone who can fucking give you the world, Leah. You deserve someone capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved. I don’t even know if I’m capable of love. I’m a fucking mess.” She looks away with tears in her eyes. “I want you so damn much, and that’s why I know that you deserve someone better than me. I want you to be happy, that’s all I want. And I can’t give you that...not like you want.”

Leah reaches over and rests her fingertips on Fatin’s chin and tugs her face so that she’s looking directly in her eyes.

“Fuck you, Fatin.” Leah tells her passionately. “You think you aren’t capable of loving someone and yet you’ve made me feel more loved and seen and valued than anyone else in my fucking miserable existence, okay? I don’t care if you don’t believe you can love me or that maybe you could never say the actual words to me...I  _ feel  _ it okay? I feel it in the way you look at me. The way you hold me. The way you let me break down in your arms and don’t judge me for it. The way that you allow yourself to be vulnerable with me, you let me see you. _ Really _ see you. And what I see is the most fucking fantastic person I have ever meant in my life. I see  _ you _ , Fatin. Even the parts you don’t want me to see, or you think I don’t see. And you know what? I fucking love those parts, too. And maybe I’m not the best person to trust your heart with, because _ I  _ am the one who didn’t understand what love really was...but I see it in the way Shelby and Toni are with each other. I see it in the friendship you have with Dot. I see it with Toni and Martha, and Rachel and Nora. Love is all around us. And it’s beautiful.” She lets her hand fall away. “ _ You’re _ beautiful. And I  _ really  _ want to kiss you...but if you don’t want that, if there is some other reason you don’t want me...besides the fucking nonsense that you think you don’t deserve me...then…”

She’s cut off when Fatin’s lips land on her own and the kiss is so passionate and full of pleading and fear and hope and possibly love that isn’t completely one-sided, that it leaves her breathless. Kissing Jeff didn’t feel like this. It never felt this all-consuming, and yet...like safety and home. She pulls away reluctantly and opens her eyes to see Fatin’s tear-filled gaze. 

“So…?” Leah ventures nervously.

Because she so desperately wants to do that again, but only if Fatin wants it, too.

“That was better than I imagined it would be.” Fatin smirks at her, but then her smirk softens into a smile and she lowers her gaze to the ground shyly. “I mean, I knew we’d be awesome together...but I also, I never thought I stood an actual chance with you.”

Leah smiles at that. “Yeah, well. Same.”

Fatin looks back up at her. “You...you’re sure about this? About trying this? Us?”

Leah kisses her rather than responding with words. When she pulls away, she rests her hand on Fatin’s cheek and rubs it softly with her thumb. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I don’t know how or when, but I completely fell for you, Fatin. And I’m all in, if you are.”

Fatin swallows, and Leah’s eyes track the bobbing of her throat. When her eyes return to Fatin’s, they are shining with what looks a lot like love. Leah knows, because she’s sure that’s exactly what is being reflected back at Fatin. 

“You terrify me. What I feel for you. I...want this more than anything.” Fatin admits softly.

“Then don’t overthink it. Let’s just...let’s enjoy each other.”

“Believe me, there will be plenty to enjoy...but also, I need you to know...I’m not going to...I’m not my dad.”

“I know.”

Fatin nods. “Thank you. For seeing me. For loving me back.”

And she didn’t need to say anything more, because Leah understood. They were in this together. And come what may, Leah had faith that they would make it through. 

“It wasn’t like I had a choice. You’re kind of hard to resist.” Leah grins as they kiss again.

She swears she hears the other girls in the distance; whooping and hollering and cheering them on. And nothing ever felt more perfect in her life. And for once, that thought didn’t scare her. The future didn’t scare her. Nor did the uncertainty of their situation. Instead, she felt like she could take on the world. Or maybe she had already conquered it, and Fatin was her prize for surviving.


End file.
